Conversations With My "Little Brother": Y'ain't Dumb.
Hey, readers.
There was a justice-impacted individual here in my dorm that's over a decade younger than I am. He leaves prison in about 10 months, and is pretty scared of what he's going to face once he leaves. This fella has been trying to get his GED in a setting that is absolutely not designed for people on the spectrum, and he has an outside clinical diagnosis that shows this system (if they choose to look) that he has a need for individualized education.
I found that I needed to help him reframe his thoughts in conversation, turning them away from drowning himself in his own negativities to something that helps him see the positives of what he's able to do.
I feel almost like a hen that has laid an egg at the moment: I've been keeping this egg safe and warm, then the farmer's cold hands pick me up off my nest one day and steal my egg! My 'little brother (from another mother)' got transferred to a different camp while I was working on this post. I can't keep an eye on him, can't help him see the positive side of the situation, can't help him redirect his anger into productivity and self-benefit from here.
We'll call him JJ for this entry.
I had a conversation with him the night before he transferred, where he was putting himself down for "being stupid". Now, I'll keep his part of the conversation confidential, as is my standard, but I'll gladly reveal the general things I broached, in case it helps someone reading here with the same mindset.
I asked JJ a pointed question about his past to attack what I call a negative anchor: he's looking into the immutable, listening to peer pressure from time uneditable.
When was the last time someone told you that y'ain't dumb, JJ? Don't count me in that.
I didn't like the answer he gave. It was too narrow, too focused, full of sharp edges that were tearing at his mental flesh. It explained a lot of his personality, his need for external verification, his wounded demeanor when he couldn't harvest a yield of You Did Good! for something he tried hard on.
So, I laid in a course, and sent it:
To me, you're clearly not dumb. You put a lot of effort into what you're trying to do for yourself. Here, you are tool-limited, system-restrained -- you don't have nearly the needed amount of resources you're going to have in ten, eleven months. You have no compute hardware, no outside resource that can gather info and trim the fat here. You don't have the luxury of receiving specific books from a circle of care outside that you could use, and you have few, if any, role models that help to model constructive behavior.
In less than a year, you're going to walk out of the fences, get your ride to wherever you're going (I recommend Not Florida), and start making use of the resources you're learning about. You're a justice-impacted individual who has been institutionalized; check with Social Security, because institutionalization is disabling. You're used to being told by adults in control what to do, how to do it, where to go, when you can go, what time to go to bed... and now you have to do it on your own for the first time in nearly half a decade.
Check with the Department of Adults, Children, and Families ASAP. You're only going to have your gate money when you leave: $50.00, unless they give you the indigent bonus. You're not going to have three meals delivered by the worst food delivery knockoff. See to getting SNAP benefits, so you can eat while you seek work.
We spent some time discussing grocery store labels and pricing in one of our conversations prior, where I showed him a way to save cash: look at the unit price on the sticker, in addition to the sale price.
Unit pricing often hides the real sale in plain sight, I tell him. This box of crackers is 8 ounces, and is 12.9¢ per ounce; the bigger box is 12 ounces, at 14¢ per ounce. Which one is the better value: 2 small boxes, or 1 big box?
"Uh... two small boxes?" JJ says after a few moments of thought.
He's correct! I tell him so, and ask him if he could explain how he came to that conclusion -- my method of implanting information.
It's a relevancy-included maths lesson, and I see his eyes light up at this detail when I explain back to him what he's explained to me ("Well, this one is cheaper..."). It removes the dancing, wriggling digits and replaces it with stacks of crackers that are easier to munch manage.
My little brother also likes to draw.
He is steadily improving on his artwork, and I happily tell him so, hearkening back to my time online as I followed new artists in my fandom, cheering them on in my little way.
We wrote to the Prison Book Program in Quincy, MA earlier this year, with him requesting an Art How-To book along with other things.
Early this month, our books arrived (yay!), and he spent several days knocking down lines on paper, drawing and drawing. He was inspired by the book he received, and produced several pieces that he would shyly show to me. I can tell he worked very hard, and the quality gap between these pieces and what he drew six months ago is noticeable. He's really getting good with the manga style!
You might be able to turn this into a side hustle when you're outside and online, JJ. Not promising tons of cash, but the occasional pizza money could be nice.
In typical JJ fashion, he changes the pizza to a lamb chop: the guy wants to give thanks to his Deity of choice.
I'm going to miss having that little brother of mine under foot, to be honest. Growing up as an only child, I never got to experience having to live with a sibling. Sure, JJ did frustrate me at times, but that is the human experience of the here and now.
I'm also not going to miss him as a person who follows their faith, reminding myself that nothing is permanent; not even these words I send today. I'll live here in the present, and work toward bettering this me, so that it may better others around.
May we all be safe, happy, and at peace.