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Gameplay Review (and musings):

Gunstar Super Heroes (Nintendo GBA, via Securus JP6s Tablet)

Oh, what's this?
It's a brief review of how a game might play on a Securus JP6s tablet in Florida prison!

First, an introduction to our hardware:

The Brick!

An Image of Xial holding their prison issued tablet up to the camera at a Kiosk

First, I apologize for the poor quality photo, but the cameras on our kiosk in-dorm are low quality in an era of HD cameras everywhere else (including over my head).

This is a great way of stymying our ability to show things as they are through legal/legitimate channels in an age where that picture could have been high res for not much more file size. WebP, AV1, and QOI formats exist; they're even supported in Google Chrome natively. :)

That diatribe aside, meet the Securus JP6s security-modified tablet, running AOSP. By eye, I'd wager it's AOSP 8 (Y'know, Android Oreo, minus the things that allow it to be called "Android"). Securus calls it their Unity tablet. I won't call it that, even though apps built in Unity (no relation!) do run on it.
This tablet has a MediaTek processor, coupled with a bit of Samsung RAM (likely DDR3), SanDisk onboard storage soldered in place, and no heatsink for heat dissipation, inside a clear case that now has a harder orange case clapped on top to protect its internals.
The internal hardware wears an FCC ID of 2AUJ4JP6S, according to my old notes; that will let you all see what we work with.

The Game!

Ah, Treasure. 💙
This game house has made a few of my long time favorite games:

  • Gunstar Heroes (Sega Genesis)
  • Radiant Silvergun (Sega Saturn, with ports to non-Sega hardware)
  • Ikaruga (Sega Dreamcast, Xbox Live, PC)

So, color me surprised to see Gunstar Super Heroes in our Grift Media Store one night! I had largely avoided Nintendo's portable hardware because it does not fit well in my hands (they're long, with thin fingers), and I had other things in my life at that time to deal with.

In prison, however, ...
⏰
🏔️
Mountains of Time, especially in count here.

I figured I had enough in my Securus Debit account to buy a new game for once; let me get it because Treasure has always had fun games.

Don't get me wrong:
It's a good game, slightly different story than I remember the original Gunstar Heroes having.

The frustrating part is the controls, made even worse by the size and weight of the Confinement Orange Box on the tablet.
I bought the game months before the new cases, and found it tricky to do a lot of the run-and-gun that makes Gunstar Super Heroes the kind of game it is.
I tried it after the new case, and it's now nearly impossible to play.

Keep in mind, we play with onscreen buttons, with the tablet display rotated portrait or landscape.
The game is unplayable in landscape mode, with the D-Pad out of place; you cannot move it to a more natural position, resulting in abnormal positioning and stretching of the thumb to move the character.
Portrait mode is marginally better, but you lose much of the display as result.

If Fishes were Wishes...

Platform games like Gunstar Super Heroes benefit from physical button based controls, which we lack in prison. We do not have the convenience of an 8BITDO SFC30 (or SN30 if you like the two-tone purple SNES buttons) Bluetooth controller, or an Xbox One controller paired wirelessly. We don't have the option or luxury of even a wired controller, especially now that the USB Micro B port is covered, which incidentally prevents anyone lucky enough to get the keyboard sold briefly last year from using legitimately purchased kit.

A ponderance

This makes me wonder: did Securus roll out the confinement suits for tablets nationwide to the 40% of the jail and prison market they cover, or was that JUST for Florida? :)

Hey, Securus, if you're listening:

(we know you are -- you analyze my outgoing messages, haha)
If you improved the overall tablet experience, providing things we need or aren't insulted by, you wouldn't need these bright orange sheaths.

  • Consider being a good steward: a free offline multilingual dictionary app for all tablet users (I'm sure there's at least one that's got an open license to be used in this manner) would support self-education.
  • Unit conversions would be useful. I know 16.9 fl.oz. is half a liter (500ml), but not everyone can tell you 25.35 fl.oz. is 750ml, or that 1 hectare is significantly larger than 1 acre. A calculator with unit conversion would be amazing.
  • Stop profiteering on headphones and earbuds. Consider in the free world, I could walk into nearly any store and buy headphones, wired or Bluetooth, for $20 or less, the $40 price tag on clear, wired headphones is a bit steep.
  • These new cases also break the connection for those $40 KOSS headphones I just mentioned, as well as the KOSS CL-5 headphones issued to ADA individuals. Because we cannot then self-remedy the issue without the risk of being disciplined if discovered, we go months without working hardware as we crawl through a Byzantine system with switchback after switchback to get where we might FINALLY be able to compel a response.
    • For the curious: if one finds a rough surface to grind the plastic boot of the connector on, one can potentially abrade enough plastic cladding off to fit their headphones into the socket again, but this risks structural integrity and the aforementioned confiscation potential.
  • Newer builds of AOSP would open your store up to more apps that can be offered, making the default experience something more of us want to use. Remember: we are adults, and would benefit from positive adult experiences.

I wrap with a thought:

Be a good steward, and be helpful to all, no matter their station in life. Spreading compassion should be the end goal for all humanity.