I Need a PCSK9 Delete, Please.

I'm sitting on my bunk during count one day, listening to a podcast called Science Friday (which I really am enjoying).

This episode, called Looking Beyond Statins For New Ways To Lower Cholesterol, mentioned a clinical trial using CRISPR to turn off a gene that produces cholesterol in the human body. I'm a person taking not one, but two statins, and I've been on one of them since my late 20s. Even with a prison-enforced halt to eating fried foods and introduction of the second statin, my cholesterol and triglycerides are still elevated, leading Medical even here to squawk about my numbers.

I can't reintroduce healthier food choices to my diet, like beets, kale, avocado, or mushrooms: I mean, my Instacart driver gets turned away at the prison gates, and I don't know where my 10" skillet from IKEA went (laughs). So I get whatever turns up on Trinity Service Group's dumpster fire that they call a menu, and more oft than not, it's pinto beans, green beans, spiral noodles, carrots, rice, instant mashed potatoes, peanut butter (sometimes with jelly or syrup mixed in), stale bread, oatmeal, grits, processed cheese product, and occasionally, eggs.
These are consistent, staple items served, with a few additional things thrown in for good measure (cabbage, iceberg lettuce, collard greens).

I eat what I can get here, with my circle of care sending me refried beans, rice, peanuts, and a few other items when I note I could make use of them.

No meat.

You may note I do not highlight meat in this. I simply do not eat it any longer, and have not for a couple of years now. I am rarely ever tempted by it, to the point of internally monologuing about how frequently Burger King tells me that the new Whopper Your Way is available, and yet they don't ever highlight their Impossible Whopper in these ads.

That said, there is some kind of meat products served here; what grade product it is, I have no clue. The common lament amongst fellow residents of this system is that they're eating 'Rat Patties'. It's led to jokes of eating Chicken...? of the Sewers or NutriaGrain patties with how frequently the population here has been fed these oddly colored, partially cooked pucks of 'meat?' in this place.

Alas, The Diet Makes the Person.

Many of us here are on at least one statin, and despite our efforts to manage what we can of our diet, we are just forced to eat excessively processed food products.
For those who eat meat here, those patties are some kind of meat that was treated to process after process, likely saturated with nitrates and nitrites to preserve them, then extruded and cut en masse.
All the hyper processed gas station fare at the canteen window just adds to bad eating habits.

A Proposal.

I propose the following: run clinical trials of this PCSK9 CRISPR edit in prisons, where a placebo (or a non-edit) is given to half the cadre, and the gene edits are done for the other half. All participants are issued a daily pill to take; your non-edit group are split between a statin and a vitamin (I choose D3), and your edit group are all given vitamins.
I'm sure you can find a hundred, two hundred willing participants to beta test your processes in one of the harshest environments to live in.

Just make sure I'm in the group that gets the edit, please. :)