Security Modified Apples

Concertina Wired Shorts

Hi, readers!
It appears that apples are the favored fruit in Florida prisons and jails.

Here in Blessington, we get them one of two ways: whole, or security modified.
Back in county jail, I only ever received security modified apples.

What are you talking about!?

Food can be modified for security in prison! If you have someone who abuses their food, they can be censured, given food restrictions that remove certain types of food from their menu, or the food may be delivered in a modified form to correct an unwanted behavior.

To wit, there's apples.
If you're found guilty of, say, turning them into an alcoholic beverage or sticking them in your socks to hurt someone with them, or if you go to confinement and they want to prevent you from hiding food for later when they want you to eat it now, your apple will be modified for security before it arrives.

It may be peeled and cut into chunks, crushed into chunky applesauce, or puréed into a smooth, chunkless applesauce. This is to prevent the ease of holding a piece of whole fruit for several hours, perhaps to a time where you are hungry and a little pick-me-up would do, or stuffing a sock full of apples to bludgeon someone in the absence of other solid objects.

Hm.

This might explain why we're being appled to death -- it's the easiest fruit to security modify. After all, you don't go to the grocery store to buy pearsauce or bananasauce, do you? 😆

... also, trying to injure someone with a sockful of applesauce would be strange, hilarious, and strangely hilarious.

FloridaMan News Today reports:

An altercation outside an AltaPizza ends in... a sticky mess?
Thomas Tritone, 39, was attacked by a half-naked man who he alleges slapped him in the face with "an unwashed sock filled with applesauce".

Enjoy your security modified apples, folks. :)

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Any similarities to actual people and/or places is purely unintentional.
Any modification to your apple voids its warranty of edibility.